How to Set Realistic Expectations to Alleviate Child Anxiety

Written by Deepali Verma

Published: November 16, 2024

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Table of Contents

Introduction

Express Positive — But Realistic —Expectations

Don't Try to Eliminate Anxiety

Show Respect for Their Feelings but Don't Empower Them

Avoid Leading Questions
Avoid Reinforcing the Child's Fears
Be Encouraging

Introduction

Imagine your child returning from school, evidently stressed out by some test or social situation that has been brewing. Understandably, a parent may feel the urge to protect their child from anxiety. However, setting realistic expectations can do much toward controling it down. Setting a balanced approach toward meeting challenges and reinforcing encouragement lets them learn to deal effectively with anxiety. This includes validating their emotions, walking them through what they are scared of without reinforcing the fear, and staying positive. Below is a list on how realistic expectations can allow children to work through anxiety and create more strength in resilience and confidence.

Express Positive — But Realistic —Expectations

The words that come out of your mouth can express confidence in knowing your child will make it through something, but you have to be realistic. Instead of "You'll ace that test for sure," try "I believe in your ability to do well if you prepare thoroughly." This approach encourages effort and acknowledges that outcome is based on preparation and hard work—not luck or talent. Positive but realistic expectations make children feel supported without adding pressure, as this creates a sound mindset toward challenges.

Don't Try to Eliminate Anxiety

Anxiety is a natural part of life, and it cannot be completely eradicated. Help your child develop skills to handle the anxiety that comes along. The child needs to understand that everyone faces anxiety at one or another point in their lives, which is perfectly fine. Teach them to gradually face what they fear, step by step. By doing this, you are teaching your child that anxiety is something to be mastered and not avoided at all costs. This will help them to grow strong enough to face their challenges head-on and not retreat from them.

Show Respect for Their Feelings but Don't Empower Them

Acknowledge the feelings of your child; however, do not validate their anxiety. For example, when they are scared to speak in front of the class, you could say, "I know that you're nervous, and you should be. You'll do well because you prepared well." This helps to show empathy but encourages them to push through their fears. Validating their feelings respects their emotions but may go too far by not setting boundaries on their choices. Help them to face their fears with boldness and strength.

Avoid Leading Questions

While discussing concerns your child expresses, be not leading in the type of questions to enable heightening of fear. Do not ask questions like, "Are you worried about your test tomorrow?" as this will again create unnecessary anxiety. Instead, ask open-ended questions like, "How are you feeling about your test tomorrow?" so that he has the space to share freely what he is feeling—without your suggestion of anxiety. It opens up the conversation to them for a more natural sharing of thoughts and feelings and one will be able to understand the way he is feeling without amplifying it.

Avoid Reinforcing the Child's Fears

No hospitality—accommodation should be made that would reinforce fears unnecessarily. For example, if they are afraid of dogs, avoiding all situations whereby they might meet dogs may actually strengthen the fear. Help them face their fears in a controlled and supportive way. Gradual exposures to the situation that generates fear, assisted by reassurance and praise, are things that really help lessen the fear over time. Not playing into these fears will give your child confidence and less anxiety in the long run.

Be Encouraging

One of the most instrumental things in anxiety management in children is encouragement. Praise their efforts; note small feats that can be used and add up to boost their confidence and motivation. For example, if your child has had a recurring problem with a situation, like social situations, which have been causing them anxiety and they handled it, commend them for being brave and giving their best effort. It helps the child feel further supported and valued, enhancing their belief that they can handle challenges. This is because the ability of the child to cope with anxiety can make a big difference if the parent's attitude is positive and encouraging.